Yahoo! Heroine’s fly into blue skies.
As a young woman, I thought that I was bold, courageous, smart and powerful for many years. I saw myself as that enterprising woman, that woman spreading my wings — that young woman making my way — invincible of sorts, full of belief in life going my way.
Truthfully, my flight was at risk, and I wan’t seeing this.
There were elephants under the rug in my life — that I had hoped would just slumber under that rug, and not disturb my happy-ever-after. But wishing and hoping — and how life rolled out were two different things.
Then I hit, boom, crash, splat — that middle-aged time in life when things didn’t go the way that I had intentionally crafted. And, what became apparent was 4 mistakes that I was making that kept me tethered to the ground.
Life didn’t go well until I got them straightened out — well, I struggled. When I did acknowledge them — I newly found freedom to fly and I soared.
It’s what took me from surviving to thriving — from a life of struggling to a life to love living.
Mistake #1: Thinking You’re Not Strong Enough To Be The Heroine Of Your Own Life (and Other BS Beliefs)…
Here’s how this works.
Truth be told: if you want to be strong enough to fly freely into the blue skies, you must let go of old thoughts you may habitually say to yourself that keep you grounded. . .
Crazy old thoughts like:
“I don’t have what I need.”
’‘I am all alone, no one is here to help.”
“I am not good enough.”
“I don’t deserve something better.”
“I am not strong enough to be the Heroine of my life.”
Where did these crazy old thoughts come from? Good question!
Crazy enough — they are mistaken limited beliefs that you made up or gathered from outside of you — that others or the culture dictated to you.
These are the beliefs that erode your Self-Worth.
Along the way of your life, you grabbed onto a variety of limiting things to believe about yourself and held them close to your bosom as truths.
Were they “truths?” Probably not.
When you took these “Probably-Not-Truths” into your life, do you think you chose which ones you wanted to keep and which ones you didn’t? I’m guessing, probably not.
So why is it that I — you and me — make the mistake of listening to those crazy old thoughts?
There is only one reason: “You decided to believe the “Victim Voice.” That Victim Voice, you say?
Yep, you know the one — the one who tells you that you are unworthy. If you listen to the Victim Voice, you will end up suffering a life congruent with these ugly thoughts. A life of messy design . . . relationships you don’t want to be in, bank accounts that are deflated, a body that feels out of tune, and one way or another, you’ll end up resenting yourself.
Not a pretty picture.
Truly? . . . Is that how you want to live your life?
We hold on to the old limiting messages of the Victim Voice because it seems safer, and you don’t yet have the faith that there is something much bigger inside of you that is strong enough to create the life you dream of.
And, I am here to tell you that there is something bigger inside you. Do you know what that something is?
It’s Your Heroine Self!
She is the one who knows that she has the power to choose her thoughts and she chooses to talk to you in a way that makes you strong, lifts you up — the ones that enable Heroines to fly.
The task is to let go of the beliefs of the Victim and fiercely claim the power of the Heroine Self.
Hereoine, what you believe and how you talk to yourself is your choice. And the good news is that you have the power and strength to choose Beliefs that will support you to become your Heroine Self.
What I’ve found is that the way to quell the Victim Voice and increase your Heroine strength is to take the old limiting beliefs that weaken you, and twist them into something better.
We have the ability to form useful new thoughts. These are the thoughts that encourage your Inner Heroine to rise up and be heard . . . and she tells you the magnificent Truth of who you really are:
You are strong!
You are brave!
You are beautiful!
These thoughts are the wind currents that come under your wings and lift your Heroine Self into flight!
Then, finally . . . creating the bigger stuff of a beautiful life becomes far easier.
I have a friend who quickly changed her life by powerfully changing the crazy old thoughts she’d had into new ones. On the last day of the year (Dec 31st), she awoke at 4:30 am, with a sensse of panic and many of the old crazy thoughts running around in her head.
She had finally had enough. She recognized that these thoughts didn’t serve her Heroine Self. Vowing not to let the Victim Voice run the show in the brand-new year, she quickly resolved. She sat up in bed, turned on the light, got out a piece of paper — and did the exercise below.
After the crazy old thoughts were neutralized and she chose to empower new thoughts, she declared that she was going to play a bigger game going forward — because the animals at her animal rescue need her.
She actively changed her thoughts to ramp up her Heroine Self.
You are needed too. And what you think about yourself has everything to do with how you will show up to offer your gifts and talents to the world. Now is as young as you are ever going to be — and now, you have your life to live.
Yipee, Lift Off!
By fueling yourself, watch what shows up! Because, this way, you are ready for new opportunities, better relationships, prosperity, and happiness.
Here’s how it works.
List the thoughts that disable you. You know the ones — the ones that disempower you around your body, your relationships, your money, your value of yourself, your capability, your intelligence, your self worth — whatever doesn’t serve you.
Now’s the time to re-shape these, creating something new. Mine sounded like this:
“I don’t have what it takes.”
“I can’t do this.”
“No one loves me.”
“My life is ruined.”
“I’m screwed, life is really f-ing hard”
Rewrite the crazy thoughts into positive self-loving statements that a Heroine would say to herself.
Here’s how I rewrote victim beliefs, when my Heroine took over:
“I don’t have what it takes.” >>> “I am smart enough to figure anything out that life throws at me.”
“I can’t do this.” >>> “One day at a time. I can create a solid plan to gain some ground each day.”
“No one loves me.” >>> “I am lovable, and I am capable of having loving relationships.”
“My life is ruined.” >>> “I am not going to be defined by my fall, but measured by my rise.”
“I’m screwed, life is really f-ing hard” >>> “My life is perfect as it is in this moment. I trust that I am here for my soul’s journey. I am getting the lessons in life that are perfectly designed to help me grow into the human being I desire to be.”
This is where to start.
With your new Heroine-esque thoughts as the wind beneath your wings, you will notice that you are indeed strong enough to be the Heroine of your own life.
It’s the law of Nature when I step into my Heroine Self, beautiful new opportunities come my way faster than I can say:
“I am a Heroine, watch me fly!”
Mistake #2: Surrounding Yourself with People Who Clip Your Wings (and Other Ouchy Things)…
So, now you have confronted your Victim Voice and reframed some new Heroine-worthy thoughts. Just wondering, did this process revealed another “ouchy thing?”
Did you get it that there are certain people in your life (whether a few or a bushel full) that clip your Heroine wings?
Perhaps you have collected people into your life who don’t want you to get bigger, better, and blossom into your full self. It may feel like whenever you begin to lift off, they pull you down.
Or, maybe you go casually along and feel little support from others. You might even look around, and there’s no one there who has your back. You accept whoever comes your way — because you don’t think that you deserve the best people.
So why is it that we make the mistake of holding on to those who clip our wings?
There is only one reason: A Broken People Picker.
Remember those limiting beliefs you had way back in Mistake #1? Those thoughts that eroded your Strength and Self-Worth — well, they lead you to make poor people-picking choices.
Truth be told: When you used to believe the Victim Voice, you became a Victim to others around you. It all started with you and the quality of your conversation with yourself.
I got trapped in these relationships. This happens by telling ourselves things like…
“He criticizes me, but if I leave him, then I’ll be all alone.”
“My boss purposely casts doubts on my abilities, but if I leave this abusive job will there be another one I can do?”
“They pressure me to be like them, what if I speak up and they decide they don’t want me in the group anymore?”
“They squelch my hopes and dreams, but maybe they‘re right, and I can’t do it.”
Really??? . . . Are these the people you want in your life?
Here’s a must: You must choose the people in your life carefully.
It’s an old myth that you can go it alone. The truth is Heroines — hearts that collaborate make more magic happen. As a Heroine, you foster an enriching connection!
Do you know that there are people just waiting around for you to love yourself enough to feel worthy of them and accept their gifts for you to build your best life? These are the people who will love and support you as you unfurl your wings.
Your Heroine’s path is to honor yourself by actively surrounding yourself with people that will be the wind beneath your wings and lift you up, speeding you along on your Journey.
A Heroine has a sense of her value and wants to be around people who value her.
Can I tell you a story from my own life?
When my life got rocked to the moon and back — I looked around at the people in my life. I was in a freakin big mess that needed more perspective than I could bring to it myself.
The first friend I went to promptly informed me, “Your problems are too big, don’t count on me.”
Ouch! I was quick to realize that I had not cultivated the people in my life who see me as valuable. I had cultivated people who were happy to be there in the good times, and evaporate in the bad times.
But, I soon learned that the right people do show up.
I was at church one Sunday when I saw Rob walk down the steps. My inner voice nudged me saying: “go talk to him.” I tried to ignore it and walked away. “No!”. . . shrieked my inner voice. “You need to talk to him now!”, it proclaimed again, louder and more forceful this time.
This inner voice (that I now know is my Heroine’s Voice) was telling me that an “angel” was showing up in my life.
I was afraid that he would be put off by my confession that my life was really upside down. But guess what? It didn’t frighten him. In fact, it awakened his compassion! From that moment on, he pitched in to help me.
He helped when I couldn’t help myself. He showed up for me in my worst moments and was there to steward me to better ones.
It is amazing how evaluating the relationships in your life can show you how the people around you are either lifting you up into blue skies or grounding your flight.
And let’s face it, a Heroine needs all the lift she can get to fly high.
Sometimes we have to have the courage to let go of those people who are hindering our freedom to soar — and trust that others who can best help are on their way into our lives.
It takes courage to zero in on the quality of the people in our lives.
To declare: “I am ready to live my life and share my gifts fully, so I’m asking that you send me the people who can best help. I’m going to let go of some that hinder, and trust that there are others who are better and on their way for me.”
Mistake #3: Not Provisioning Yourself for the Journey Ahead (and Living on Fumes)
Now you know how your Beliefs and the People in your life can be the wind beneath your wings. But, Heroine, that is not all you need in order to take flight.
You need ‘Oomph’!
‘Oomph’ ignites your power — it’s what supercharges your liftoff and sustains your flight.
You may have your vision set for beautiful horizons. You may have chosen the people in your life well. But short on ‘Oomph’ your flight can head into a nose-dive.
Your Heroine-Self can’t fly far when you are ‘living on fumes.’
“What gives you ‘Oomph’ (gas in your tank)”, you ask?
Well, let’s first explore what robs you of your ‘Oomph’: Credit cards, greasy fast foods, a constantly-negative-balance in your checking account, an unsafe place to live, beating yourself up, bad investments, lack of sleep, overspending, driving yourself too hard, and lifestyle choices that impair you and more.
Having no ‘Oomph’ is a flight-grounding problem for a Heroine. And, it is way too far undervalued in the lives of most women.
If you are devaluing your ‘Oomph’, you might say things like:
“Money is not that important.” . . . (Yep, it’s not, until it is.)
“I will just push through; I don’t have time to stop” . . . (Yep, your health is, until it’s compromised.)
“I can handle myself in risky situations.” . . . (Yep, you’re safe, until you’re not.)
This mindset robs you of your ‘Oomph’ and the ability to navigate to your best life.
Really? . . . Do you want to live ‘Oomph-impaired?’
Or, ‘Oomph’ inspired?
So what exactly boosts your ‘Oomph’?
More specifically, your Financial Resources and Physical Well-Being are the Provisions you gather as fuel for your flight.
Provision 1: Your Financial Resources
It’s true; money is energy. Money is also a tangible, real-world, thing that we must have our hands on and our heads around.
So is money all that important? You bet it is, Heroine.
It’s fuel for your flight. It’s a means of exchange that helps you acquire the earthly resources that you need for the Journey — for yourself and to contribute to others.
Here’s truth: Until you get financially stable, you will always be forced to compromise in your life — sometimes in ways that undermine your values and your sense of who you are. This will keep you uncomfortably grounded.
Here’s the facts: You must have knowledge of money. You must also have power over the flow of your own money. This is true whether you are single, married, broke, gifted with generating money, or deeply entrenched in a career. You must know how money is working in your life.
Getting into your financial ‘wellness zone’ and upping your ‘Oomph’ is usually not an overnight process. It depends upon where you are starting from.
Your ability to create your financial ‘wellness zone’ relies on a clear plan and consistent action. A Heroine’s travels engage her in changing her thinking and actions around money for her well-being.
Provision 2: Your Physical Well-Being
Vitality is essential, both in our minds and our bodies. It’s this Life-Force energy that gives you the ‘Oomph’ to sustain your flight.
To travel into your best life, this takes bolstering your energy from the inside and outside. Getting into your physical ‘wellness zone’ includes taking care of your physical body (the inside) and setting up your physical environment (the outside) so they both support you.
Here’s truth: When you are not physically/energetically strong, you’ll be compromised from fully engaging your life and taking on the responsibilities and actions that are the momentum for your flight.
Here’s the facts: Sometimes, there are days when you just have to will yourself out of bed. Yes, it can be hard, but a Heroine knows you gotta do it anyway. This is where she reaches deep for her inner ‘Oomph’.
And she has it because she continuously cultivates the Life-Force energy that moves through her.
Cultivating your ‘Oomph’ is an art. It’s the art of practicing ‘Oomph-upliftment’.
A Heroine undertakes the tasks to make any shifts and upgrades needed to keep herself supported — financially and physically — so she has plenty for her momentum.
With this courage a Heroine is saying:
“I am valuable, and I am worthy of investing in myself. I am responsible for acquiring what I need so that I can sustain myself for the journey ahead. I am open to receiving good ‘Oomph’ energy from all directions. I get resourceful to gather resources. I am careful to use only as much as I gather to ensure I have ample fuel for my flight.
Bolstering my life force energy, I navigate my journey with grace and gratitude.”
As Oprah has said: “I hope the way you spend your money is in line with the truth of who you are and what you care about. I hope that your money brings joy to you and the ones you love. And I hope you use it as a powerful force for good to fulfill your best intentions.”
Mistake #4: Not Devoting Yourself to The Path of The Heroine’s Journey®
By now you may be realizing, “Oh, being the Heroine of my own life invites me to rise up.
’Tis true! It’s a grand opportunity. But, without some Heroine-esque guidance, you are most likely to keep making the same mistakes over and over. Ugh!
You are a Heroine, stronger than you think, braver than you may know.
You’ll need some real wisdom to journey onward, though, and the challenge is: We’re not born with a manual that tells us how to live our best lives.
Truth be told: Life can get really really insanely rocky at times (this is when you need the manual most!) and you are left to figure it out on your own.
You may feel utterly lost in the wilds with no compass in hand.
As life twists and turns, you can find yourself off course — wrapped in fear, numbed to your sense of what is good for you, limited by rules of what to be, wedded to familiarity, lead by impaired beliefs, tied to external things for security and armored in your heart.
Mistakenly, you can doubt that there is a way through so you don’t take those first courageous, faithful steps into the unknown. Or you might even start to embody your Heroine Self but give up before you claim the prize.
This is a life of mere survival. Your dreams are left to languish and you are longing for more. I’ve been there, and I sat hopelessly grounded for too long.
As thought leader, Brene Brown points out: “You may not have signed up for the Hero[ine’s] Journey, but the second you fell down, got your butt kicked, suffered a disappointment, screwed up, or felt your heartbreak, it started.”
The impetus may have been a trauma, health issue, relationship loss, financial upset — something that radically changed your life in what seems like a blink of an eye…
But really? . . . lost in the wilds alone is no place to stay.
No need to make the mistake of living a shabby life when you deserve — and are capable of — creating a life that makes your heart sparkle. And you can get there.
There is a proven path forward, a universal journey that many women before have taken and calls you forward.
We call it . . .The Heroine’s Journey.
The good news is that the path of The Heroine’s Journey® rises up to meet you just when you need it the most.
What is The Heroine’s Journey®?
The Heroine’s Journey® is a dynamic adventure that every woman is destined to take to become her True Self — her Heroine Self, where courage and strength are built and you grow into a deeper understanding of yourself.
And — there’s a roadmap.
You’ll learn that there are 13 Steps on the Heroine’s Journey®. These go through the Challenges and Celebrations, and you emerge to create a life you love. The calling to your Heroine’s Journey is your calling to blossom into a life of freedom, prosperity and purpose.
Even Dorothy, on her Wizard of Oz Journey — would have lost her way if there hadn’t been a yellow brick road and friends to accompany her Journey.
The Heroine’s Journey® Road Map gives you direction, momentum, inspiration and hope. In my next article — I’ll outline these 13 Steps.
As Nora Ephron says: “Above all, be the Heroine of your own life.”
The Heroine’s Journey RoadMap will show you how to do this. Because, a Heroine travels with her heart open, her head held high and a sense of conviction in her walk.
She knows the Truth of who she is, celebrates her accomplishments, is flexible in handling whatever lions, tigers and bears jump out onto her path and experiences the biggest adventure of her life. This requires chutzpah!
It’s a choice to be the Heroine of your own life. And, there’s a proven path for your journey!
You are called to journey onward!
Thank you so much for reading my Story! I hope that you’ll leave me a comment.
I’ve created a free gift for you and you can get it now. It’s yours by clicking: ‘The 4 Biggest Mistakes Women Make’ — and it’s also at Go.WalkTheJourney.com/Free-eBook.
I’d love to read your Story too. I mean it!! So, connect with me in any of these ways:
Join my Facebook community:
Learn more about The Heroine’s Journey® on our website WalkTheJourney.com.
Journey Onward, Joan