I’m Over Being Left Out In the Cold and Other Heroine Thinking

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I’m over doing nice stuff for people and then being left out in the ‘Cold’.

I matter — that’s my lesson for today. And, the Heroine lesson. Yep, Heroines do claim this.

I sat out in my garden this morning and enjoyed the flowers and the beauty — and reminded myself of my sweet spirit.

The sun shown on the wonderful colors in the tapestry of my sanctuary spot. There’s a waterfall that cleanses the air and brings the good ion energy straight to my human spirit.

And, in these moments of quiet, what I am implored to understand is the Self-Worth of women, mine and yours. It’s time, for sure.

You see, goodness is within. It’s in me and the intent I have for all to rise, feel joy and be prosperous.

Recently, I have done generous and loving things for two people in particular. My heart was in these acts of kindness. In both cases they were each suffering. Suffering from financial stresses and suffering from health problems.

They took what they each needed from me — and then swiftly turned tail and went off — and maybe just reengaged in their own lives — but were neglectful of communicating and being there in ways that I could touch and feel them, and appreciating me. That hurt.

At this time, I was not on their minds for nurture and support as well. And, you know, you can do these things four, or twenty times, or hundreds of times — but then today, I hit the tipping point that says, ‘enough’!

I’m not your doormat, you do not get to say things that are unkind about me, I am not your meal ticket, you can’t guilt or embarrass me into what you want, no threatening me, I am not going to be so swayed by your circumstances and need for help — all these ways that you make me the victim.

I’m not.

I’m not subject to your drinking rambles, your bad behavior, your ego tantrums, your need for control — no more will I have my life victimized. I take a stand firmly within me.

Just not going to happen!

In my garden, all is well, I am reminded of nature that strives for beauty. That gets hurt when there is not enough water or sunshine to flourish. Me too, I need sustenance.

I’ve been writing a lot about my Mother lately. She left me a legacy. My whole life I was in pain for her. Truly, she had everything outwardly. A successful career, a good looking husband, travel to all parts of the world, and good children.

What she didn’t have was her Self-Worth. Her own internal intact regenerating I’m good-ness.

What she’d never been taught was how to protect her Self-Worth.

Nobody taught her — not our culture, how we grow up to see ourselves, her parents — she abandoned her Self-Worth unknowingly and others took big hits at her regularly as she let them.

This left pain strewn all over her face, she didn’t have of good memories of her life because she continually felt pain on the inside, and she harbored resentment about the way she had been treated personally.

Here’s the contrast I saw: Truly, in her time she made amazing strides in her role as a women and her role model for me.

But she left something undone.

She failed at safeguarding her inside. Her own experience, her understanding and enjoyment of her tender spirit, her moment-by-moment pleasures — her moment to sit in the garden and love herself — she left her belief in her goodness and inner worth as unnecessary and unimportant.

She had an affair. My Father tracked her down with a private detective and found her and the lover at the Marriott hotel sequestered in a room. When the detective knocked on the door, my Mother and the lover were sitting, just having a glass of wine, fortunately for the drama at hand. My Father resented her from then on, and punished her sequentially.

But what was really going on? She needed to be loved. We all need to be loved — loved by self love and others.

One of my parents friends recently reminded me of this incident. I had joined he and his wife at the County Club for dinner. As we talked at length, Tom told me that he had taken my Mother aside at the time, and admonished her for the public show and talk of her around town. He recriminated her for embarrassing my Father, who was a hero in the town we lived in.

But what about my Mother? When you’ve lived for so long with others who receive the nice stuff that you do for them — but leave you out in the cold. Where will you be? Who will you be? I know that she was desperate for love. She got too far down the rabbit hole.

She was desperate to be touched, held, have kind words spoken to her, appreciated for who she was and the nice things she did. This is human need.

And, she hadn’t thought about doing this for herself, to herself — in addition to setting up the way that she would have others treat her.

She made the best peach pies, ran the Fun Fair Hospital Fundraiser, and served on the YWCA boards. She gave of herself. But what of her?

What do we do if our human need is unmet?

And, who is responsible for this?

My Mother didn’t have the tools for this at the time, but I do now.

She didn’t understand that her Self-Worth was so badly beaten up, and that she went careening out of control from her internal guidance system. She lost touch with who she really was already created to be.

I have a saying next to my computer. I do this crazy kind of thing when I want something to go deeply into my subconscious and awaken new thought for me. By putting the saying close to where I periodically glance — It’s a daily reminder that gently begins to sway my thinking (and more importantly underlying emotion) into new ways.

The saying: Protect your confidence at all costs — your Self-Worth.

This is the well from which all springs.

That is the most important asset that you have. It is the lens through which you see the world. Everything is determined by the temperature reading of your Self-Worth.

Your relationship, your money, your health — they all come from the fountain of your Self-Worth.

Now, was my Mother totally devoid of Self-Worth?

No, she started and ran for many years very successful travel businesses, managed her own money in the stock market, and provided for the luxuries that she wanted. She had will and determination and a sense of claiming herself in the external world.

What she didn’t have was the internal part of claiming herself. She didn’t think that she was a fraud in any sense of the word. She was outwardly proud of her accomplishments and defended her right to this success.

Where she gave up was internally.

She let other people say who she was and this pained her on the inside. She hadn’t developed deep roots of self knowing, self caring and self love.

She was seared by the remarks of my Father and others who bit by bit brought her down. Then she was in this fierce struggle — on the outside of who she knew she could be with her creative and skillful talents, and on the inside where she was bankrupt in Self-Worth.

I don’t want this for you. You are too important in our world today to be taken out of the game.

My Mother died. I think that she had a long talk with her maker. I think that her maker said: “Well done Harriet, for the way you lived and changed the world for your daughter — and now in your transitioning, please, accept the love for yourself.

Why wait?

I didn’t. Today I said enough. Enough to those that enjoy the nice things that I do for them — but want to leave me out in the cold. Just ENOUGH.

I am not wrong to want to be loved.

It is my responsibility though to source and sustain love for myself. And that sometimes means that people around me need a wake up call.

I will value myself. I will protect my Self-Worth at all cost.

This is a new day for me, and my Mother would be proud. Because that Self-Worth is my internal guidance system. It’s my rain and sunshine in the garden of my being. It’s my Path to my best life.

This is SO Heroine!!

Heroine reminds you that claiming your Self-Worth and using your Voice is your birthright. From deep within you is a well of spirit, generosity and determination. Your rich garden of beauty.

That is what you use to enable the creation of your life. A life that flourishes.

So, some people may need to be cut off, some may be able to get that you now totally play differently, and some — well, the new ones that you invite into your life — they may just get it that you expect them to lift you up.

I will miss some people that I’ve nixed from my life…my heart was invested there. But I know for my own well-being that this time is ripe for me to move forward.

And you too. This is your time to accelerate. Who can you take with you and who needs to stay behind? There will be more people that will come your way.

My Mother was afraid to get divorced. She was afraid that in the small love that she clung to and for the landscape of the life that she’d created — that this was all that there was for her. Even though she had economic ability, she was trapped by her lack of Self-Worth.

The Heroine goes for sovereignty, joy and prosperity.

No one of these is adequate for a full life — all go into the equation. Prosperity is not good without sovereignty, joy is not good without prosperity, it’s a mixing pot.

She never left my Father. I hope that they have reconciled in heaven. It’s painful to see people hurt and diminish each other. Neither deserved that.

Ego can’t prevail in this new world we’re entering. It’s no longer about dominance. It’s no longer about superiority. It’s no longer about neglect.

Your life matters and so does every one else’s.

And the first step for you — Claim Your Self-Worth. Get on it Heroine. Do what is needed. This is on you. This is your task to take on. Your growth and blooming is for you, today.

You name you as good, worthy and created just right.

I take my Mother’s life as legacy, her teachings and the Path forward from her innovations. I’m glad to be guided by women before me. They have much to teach us.

It’s your day…this is the Heroine’s way that you choose.

Eden is out there waiting for you!! — Your Self-Worth is your Garden’s potting soil. Start ground up!

Cheers, Joan

PS…Maybe my Mother is in Heaven looking down with the Angels and writing this through me for you. She was most definitely a wise woman with much to say about our role and capabilities as women! I bet I’ll hear more from her too!

Thank you so much for reading my Story! I hope that you’ll leave me a comment and say how this was helpful for you.

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